Old times

I was in my local the other night. The Seven Bells. Not a lot happens in my local.

The last interesting thing that I can remember was the smashed up Ferrari, and that was years ago. Everyone loved that one. It was a beautiful car, bright red. Someone had driven it into the wall in front of the library opposite the pub. Whoever it was had just left it there. Part of the wall had fallen down. The front side of the car had been crushed and the side all scratched up. There was a crowd of people there for hours. Mostly guys, laughing and shaking their heads. It was during the summer so people kept going into the pub to get another beer and then came out again to join the crowd.

A guy along the bar was telling the story again the other night. His mates knew it already of course. It's a kind of legend in our pub.

That's about it really. There used to be a dart board. We had some good little competitions with that. Then they refurbed the pub and put in wooden flooring and high tables with stools. They introduced lots of new wines and things but everyone just kept on drinking Stella.

So anyway, it was Friday night and I was there with Jon and Doug. We didn't talk much. Jon was tapping away on his mobile and Doug just looked around the pub. Particularly over at one table of people who were actually talking and having fun. I started thinking how great it was when we were younger and couldn't get in the pub. We usually managed to get some booze and then walked the streets or went off to sit in the park instead. There was adventure in that.


'Let's get some tins and go up the park' I said and waited for a response.

'what?' said Jon without looking up from his mobile.

Doug turned to look at me.

'talking 'bout?' he said.

'Remember when we used to go up the park? and get pissed?' I said 'we had a laugh didn't we?'

'talking bout?' he said and took a swig of his pint.

'You go up the park' Jon said, still looking down at his mobile.


So I did.

I stopped in at the off-licence on the way. I wasn't quite the same as before. I was considered to look the oldest then. I'd had a premature spurt of chin-hair when I was about fourteen so it was always me who went in to buy the drinks. It was quite a sense of achievement to get away with it. All my mates would cheer as I came out. Great times. Now it was too easy of course. I know the guy who works there anyway, he was a couple of years below me at school.

I came out carrying a four-pack in a plastic bag and walked off in the direction of the park. I decided to open a can for the route. The park is a couple of streets away. Quiet suburban streets lined with street lamps. I remembered that before the lamps used to go fuzzy and get big haloes around them. Then when you squinted the light shot out like daggers towards your eyes. I'd probably have to get though this four-pack before that happens, I thought. Perhaps I should have bought more.

I went back and bought a half bottle of vodka as well. Might as well do it properly.


I'd already finished off the first can when I arrived at the park. The park was pretty empty naturally. I went through the gate and started to climb the hill over to the left. I remembered that we used to sit up top where you could look down on the surrounding streets.

I got to the top and sat down on the grass, already on my second can of beer.
It wasn't a great view actually. I could see a few empty back gardens and a couple of rows of street lamps. No fuzz yet. There were a few trees around. One or two closer to the road were nicely lit from the street.

I opened the half bottle of vodka and started pouring it into my beer.

When we used to come here even smoking seemed exciting. Cigs tasted strong and rebellious. I pulled out my cigarette packet and the look of it in the dark did remind me a bit of the old days. The plastic wrapping just caught the light a bit. I took one out and lit it. Nothing

I kept on sitting there for a while and then I noticed a group of five kids walking across the bottom of the hill. They seemed to be passing a bottle back and forth and I could see one or two cigarette tips glowing. They stopped at one of the picnic tables and climbed up to sit on it.

If this was going to be anything more than nostalgia then I needed a gang of mates to drink with. They probably weren't that much younger than me anyway.

It didn't seem like a very good idea, but then, after watching them and opening my third can of beer, I thought fuck it.

I still had at least half the bottle of vodka and as I walked down the hill towards them I got it out ready. That should sweeten the deal I thought.

They had evidently noticed me coming towards them because, even thought it was dark, I could see that they had stopped talking and were all looking my way.

'Alright lads' I called out. I noticed around the same time that the street lights behind them had started to get fuzzy.

As I got closer a couple of them actually got up and looked like they were getting ready to run off.

'Hold on' I said, 'I've got some vodka here'

As I held up my vodka bottle a can of beer flew past me and a light spray of beer splashed on my jacket.

'fuck off' one shouted and they all ran off. I could hear them laughing as they approached the gate and left the park.

I climbed onto the picnic table and opened my last can of beer.

'ah the good old days' I said aloud.

I lay down on the table and looked up into the branches of the trees for a while. Everything was turning quite a bit and there was a nice breeze on my ears.

_

I managed to get back down the Seven Bells to have one more with Jon and Doug. It was another interesting adventure. Nice.

Walkabout

Being unemployed does get repetitive sometimes. I get up around lunchtime. Doss about on the sofa for a while. Sometimes I walk up the highstreet, but there's not really much I want to buy. A few days ago however I went into the Cancer Shop to have a look. They normally have a good selection of VHS tapes at 50p each.

I walked over to the corner where the video shelf was, tilted my head and scanned through them. Not a lot today. Then I noticed a book on the next shelf along. On the cover was a picture of a man with a moustache who looked like he'd put his trousers on his head and wrapped the legs around his neck. He also appeared to be wearing a huge fur ruff.

'My Life as an Explorer' was written underneath and the authors name.

'Sven Hedin' I said as I picked it up. Nice name.

I looked on the first page and 75p was very neatly written in pencil in the top right corner. I flipped through a bit and there were even some drawings.

'Done' I said and went to pay. I dropped the 25p change into the 'karma box' and felt thoroughly pleased with myself.

When I got home I made some toast and then sat back on the sofa with the book. I stayed that way all afternoon, and then into the evening. It was great. This guy had been all over. Adventuring through the mountains, discovering lost cities, you name it.

I carried on reading well into the night. I got a text from Jon asking if I wanted to come over for a smoke and some playstation but I didn't even reply.

I'd just been reading a bit where he was travelling through the desert and all his companions had died of thirst but he carried on and on, following signs of life until he could barely walk and his pulse had all but stopped, and then suddenly found a lake and was saved. Man.

-

That night I dreamt that I was in the desert and went on an amazing adventure.

-

When I woke up I was pretty disappointed to be back in my bedroom I can tell you. Just like every morning, the sun was already high in the sky and most people had been at work for hours.

Then I started thinking. Where can I go to experience the solitude of the desert?

After a while I remembered the old shopping centre. It had been the best thing ever in it's day. Everyone went there. After a few years people started saying that it was sinking, then before we knew what happened it had closed for good. It was sinking apparently. It was build on marshland. I'd hate to be that red-faced architect! Anyway, I used to go out there to doss about with my mates when I was younger. There is a massive car park in front of it. It's endless. It's completely empty now of course. Even the shopping centre was destroyed a few years ago. Perfect.

I took the bus up there and even managed to avoid paying by jumping though the back doors. That'll be the good karma coming back at me. When I got there I stepped off the bus and walked along the fence to the main gates. Just next to them there is a big hole in the fence and it's easy to climb through. I walked past the empty car park attendant's booth. The last vestige of civilisation. From then on it was just me and the car park.

It was a sunny day. That was good. The tarmac was warm. The whole car park was criss-crossed with grids of faded white lines and occasional lamp posts. It was dusted with broken glass and odd bits of metal. Nothing could grow here.

I wandered on. I was already starting to feel thirsty.

I noticed that over to the left of the car park, way in the distance, there was a long chain of semi-detached houses.

I kept on walking, with my feet patting the dusty tarmac.

After a while I felt like sitting down and started looking out for a good spot. Over to my right I saw a wooden crate lying on the floor next to a lamp post. I walked over and sat down. The lamp post was huge and had multiple lamps pointing out in different directions.

I sat and listened to the silence. Actually, at first I could hear a car alarm going off somewhere near the road, but then it stopped and I was left with only the sound of the wind blowing the dust around.

Some other bits of rubbish were wafting about as well.

At one point an empty crisp packet drifted past me, its ripped side open like a sail.

I sat there for quite a while. 20 minutes I suppose. Sven Hedin spent months and months exploring the desert. I imagine after a while the serenity of it sinks into you, just as the sand gets into the roots of your hair. That's when it becomes a spiritual place I guess.

I didn't really get it myself though. To be honest I'd spent half of that time writing texts to Jon and Doug to see if they wanted a smoke later. It was always good to get out a bit anyway wasn't it.

What an advneture. Splendid.

Saturday Night

The other day Jon and me went down to our local Blockbuster Video on the highstreet. Seeing as it was Saturday night we felt we should do something. Once inside we noticed that they'd changed everything around. The walls were still tiled with hundreds of films. Mosty the same films. 50 copies of each. The shelves however, had been reorganised.

Jon, after walking about lost for two minutes, asked the sales assistant the only question on his mind-

'Where are the kung fu movies?'

'over there' she said pointing, 'in the World section.'

It seems they had taken the previous Martial Arts section, a sizable collection, and tossed in the 5 or so DVDs from the World shelf and then re-branded it World Cinema.

Jon went straight over but I idled about a bit in the aisles. I was getting a bit sick of kung fu movies. Of any movies. I passed the adult section, which as usual consisted of a handful of lame soft porn films. Looking at all the girls on the covers however I became more and more agitated. 'Saturday night' I mumbled to myself.

When I got to Jon he handed me one called 'The Art of Killing' and asked me what I thought.

'Fuck it' I said, 'let's go out'

Jon looked at me and said 'what?'

'Let's go up Tiki's' I said.

_

Tiki's is by far the shittest nightclub we know. All mirrored walls, technicolour carpets and wedding reception music.

We work on the logic however that the shitter the club, the more chance of pulling.

I'd given Doug a call as well. He was going to be my other wingman. He met us outside in the queue.


We walked in and went straight to the bar. After the first pint the conversation had already dried up and we just stood near the bar facing the dancefloor. Doug got another round in and we quietly sipped our beers while all around us people shouted and laughed.

We weren't exactly making waves.

'Dance?' I shouted in Doug's ear. He made a face and shook his head.

I looked over the dancefloor. Loads of girls, swaying and laughing. I watched one guy singing along with the music, his big smiley face skywards and his arms beating the air. A group of girls next to him whooped and cheered.

'That's how it's done' I thought.

I looked at Doug. Short and stocky. Fat stocky, with his gold watch and work trousers. He tries to compensate for his generic face with expensive shirts and huge quantities of hair gel. On my other flank was Jon. Jon had smoked so much weed that he looked like any kind of physical action was beyond him. His facial features remained slack like his body.

We just carried on standing there with the carpet buzzing under our feet. That's when I decided to do it. I was going to hit the dancefloor and act like I was having the best time of my life. After all this little experiment could really pay off I thought.

'I'm going' I shouted.

'go on then' said Jon. Doug shook his head.

I walked over to the dancefloor and found a good spot right in the middle. I started swaying and looking about. Nobody was paying me much attention. Tried to liven it up a bit but it was hard to just switch it on like that. I remembered to smile. 'Got to turn this around' I said to myself. Then suddenly the overhead smoke machine hissed out a solid stream of dry-ice onto the middle of the dancefloor.

'this is it!' I thought and when I came out of that smoke cloud I was hopping about, waving my arms in the air. People were paying attention now. I had an almighty grin on my face and then I closed my eyes and started nodding my head, grooving to the music. Somebody whooped.

Next thing I saw were girls. Laughing. Dancing. Looking at me.

The DJ dropped another rotten old 80s disco track and I threw both hands up and let out long 'YEAAAHH'

More looks. On a roll. Suddenly a girl appeared before me laughing with an expression that said 'incredulously cool'. That's right. She put in some moves and I pulled out the jazz hands. She went off laughing to her mates. Too hot to handle.

I looked over to Jon and Doug and they had clearly spotted the girls around me because they were busy pushing through the crowds to get on the dancefloor.

I started bringing my knees up. Really going for it. People even formed a cirlce and started clapping.

'What a success' I said to myself.

Yes indeed, this one was surely a successful adventure.