Saturday Night

The other day Jon and me went down to our local Blockbuster Video on the highstreet. Seeing as it was Saturday night we felt we should do something. Once inside we noticed that they'd changed everything around. The walls were still tiled with hundreds of films. Mosty the same films. 50 copies of each. The shelves however, had been reorganised.

Jon, after walking about lost for two minutes, asked the sales assistant the only question on his mind-

'Where are the kung fu movies?'

'over there' she said pointing, 'in the World section.'

It seems they had taken the previous Martial Arts section, a sizable collection, and tossed in the 5 or so DVDs from the World shelf and then re-branded it World Cinema.

Jon went straight over but I idled about a bit in the aisles. I was getting a bit sick of kung fu movies. Of any movies. I passed the adult section, which as usual consisted of a handful of lame soft porn films. Looking at all the girls on the covers however I became more and more agitated. 'Saturday night' I mumbled to myself.

When I got to Jon he handed me one called 'The Art of Killing' and asked me what I thought.

'Fuck it' I said, 'let's go out'

Jon looked at me and said 'what?'

'Let's go up Tiki's' I said.

_

Tiki's is by far the shittest nightclub we know. All mirrored walls, technicolour carpets and wedding reception music.

We work on the logic however that the shitter the club, the more chance of pulling.

I'd given Doug a call as well. He was going to be my other wingman. He met us outside in the queue.


We walked in and went straight to the bar. After the first pint the conversation had already dried up and we just stood near the bar facing the dancefloor. Doug got another round in and we quietly sipped our beers while all around us people shouted and laughed.

We weren't exactly making waves.

'Dance?' I shouted in Doug's ear. He made a face and shook his head.

I looked over the dancefloor. Loads of girls, swaying and laughing. I watched one guy singing along with the music, his big smiley face skywards and his arms beating the air. A group of girls next to him whooped and cheered.

'That's how it's done' I thought.

I looked at Doug. Short and stocky. Fat stocky, with his gold watch and work trousers. He tries to compensate for his generic face with expensive shirts and huge quantities of hair gel. On my other flank was Jon. Jon had smoked so much weed that he looked like any kind of physical action was beyond him. His facial features remained slack like his body.

We just carried on standing there with the carpet buzzing under our feet. That's when I decided to do it. I was going to hit the dancefloor and act like I was having the best time of my life. After all this little experiment could really pay off I thought.

'I'm going' I shouted.

'go on then' said Jon. Doug shook his head.

I walked over to the dancefloor and found a good spot right in the middle. I started swaying and looking about. Nobody was paying me much attention. Tried to liven it up a bit but it was hard to just switch it on like that. I remembered to smile. 'Got to turn this around' I said to myself. Then suddenly the overhead smoke machine hissed out a solid stream of dry-ice onto the middle of the dancefloor.

'this is it!' I thought and when I came out of that smoke cloud I was hopping about, waving my arms in the air. People were paying attention now. I had an almighty grin on my face and then I closed my eyes and started nodding my head, grooving to the music. Somebody whooped.

Next thing I saw were girls. Laughing. Dancing. Looking at me.

The DJ dropped another rotten old 80s disco track and I threw both hands up and let out long 'YEAAAHH'

More looks. On a roll. Suddenly a girl appeared before me laughing with an expression that said 'incredulously cool'. That's right. She put in some moves and I pulled out the jazz hands. She went off laughing to her mates. Too hot to handle.

I looked over to Jon and Doug and they had clearly spotted the girls around me because they were busy pushing through the crowds to get on the dancefloor.

I started bringing my knees up. Really going for it. People even formed a cirlce and started clapping.

'What a success' I said to myself.

Yes indeed, this one was surely a successful adventure.